The jogger
who overslept found himself running late.
Press any
key to continue or any other key to quit.
Everything
in life is relative, ask Einstein.
When did I
realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly I
realized that I was talking to myself.
The more
you study. Tthe more you know. The more you know. The
more you forget. The more you forget. The less you know.
So why study?
How do
frogs die ? They Ker-mit suicide.
Nok
nok.Who's there?....Marie!....Marie
who?.....Mariewhowanna....!!
Sometimes
I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
If my
right leg was thanksgiving and my left leg was
christmas, would you visit me between the holidays?
no men no
women no women no love no love no sex no sex no children
no children no school no school no homework no homework
no problems!
Since
light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some
people appear bright until you hear them speak?
If a pen
is mightier than a sword and a photo more powerful than
a thousand words, how dangerous –can a fax be ?
If all the
boys lived on the other side of the sea, what a good
swimmer I would be ?
What is
the velocity of the darkness ?
What
happens when you got scared twice half-dead ?
How women
think about sex:At 8 ignore it,Age 18 experience it,Age
28 look 4 it,Age 38 ask 4 it,Age 48 beg 4 it,Age 58 pay
4 it,Age 68 pray it,Age 78 4get it
When a
schizophrenic threatens to commit suicide are we talking
of hostageship?
What kind
of children do you get using a yellow condom ?
................... NONE ! you stupid !
when is a
man worth some money??................When he pushes a
trolley
How do you
know when you run out of invisible ink ?
Why are
there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have a
phone!
Why did
the statue of liberty have to be a woman?The head had to
be hollow to make a restaurant in it!
Why do
fortune-tellers first ask your name?
What
happens when the earth turn 30 times faster?...You get
your salary every day and all women bleed dead!!!
When you
strangle a smurf, what colour does he get ?
Why are
men like sperm cells? ...... Only one out of a million
is useful.
It has 50
teeth and it holds back or stops a terrible monster?
................... My fly!
Why are
men happy when they finish a puzzle in two months
time..... Because the box says : 3 till 5 years.
Why is a
false eye made of glass?.....To look through.
How is an
intelligent woman called? ....................... A
transvestite
When do
you know you are overweight? .... When you are
sunbathing on the beach and a Greenpeace-activist tries
to roll you back into the sea.
Why does
beer contain female hormones ? ... When you drink too
much of it, you cannot say anything sensible any more,
you start to nag and you are no longer able to drive a
car.
Why do
have so many men a beer gut? ..... Than at least an
unemployed dwarf has a roof over his head.
What is
the difference between a woman and a fridge? a fridge
does not moan when there is meat inside
Why are
men like snails? ..... They have horns, they slobber and
they trudge along, and above all, they think the house
is theirs.
Why can a
man not be handsome and intelligent at the same time?
.... Because he would be a woman then.
The
ressemblance of a man and a cup of coffee? ..... They
both get on the nerve.
What
happens when a man is in the water up till his navel ?
...... That is beyond his comprehension.
Why are
men like a toothbrush? .... They are useless without
handle.
why do
have men bandy legs? ......... all unimportant matters
are between brackets
Why does a
stupid blond girl never swim on her belly? ... When she
feels something wet she turn on her back.
It is
round and orange and says:"I am an orange, I am an
orange"? .................. a mandarin who thinks big
What is
the difference between a battery and a woman? ...... A
battery has also a positive side.
How does a
dummy catch a rabbit? ... He sits behind a tree and
imitates the sound of a carrot.
What is
the difference between a washing machine and a teacher?
a washing machine runs on batteries and a teacher gets
on the nerves.
Why the
trolleys were invented ? ........ To learn women to walk
on their hind legs.
When a
store is open 24 hours a day and 365 days a year, why is
there a lock on the door ?
It is
white and it stands in the corner? ....... A punished
fridge
Why does
one do some peanut butter on his condom? ...... That
makes him big and strong.
Why do men
exist ? Because dildos cannot mow the lawn.
Do they
have a coffee break at the tea factory ?
How does
the driver of a gritting vehicle go to work in the
morning ?
What do
you prefer in the hereafter?...........Smoking or
non-smoking area.
How do you
call a woman who looses 90% of her intelligence
??.................................a widow !!!!!
When
swinning is good for the development of our arms and
legs, why do fish not have arms and legs ?
Where are
the first 6 up's ?
Blackmail:
"When you do not give me the raise I will tell everyone
you did give me one."
Does a
liar lies when he says he says he is telling a lie ?
When you
are not supposed to drive a car when you have been
drinking, why do bars have a parking lot ?
What is
more easy for a man to make, a boy or a girl ?
...........a girl.....there is an example in front of
him
Why can
you buy sigarettes in a gaz station where it is
forbidden to smoke ?
why are
there life jackets in airplanes and no parachutes ?
Why do you
always find one shoelon the streets ?
What do
the military do in a civil war ?
Why do we
call apartements apartements when they are all connected
to one another ?
Why are
you behind a computer, while in fact you are sitting in
front of the screen ?
Why does
an answering machine never gives an answer when I ask
something ?
What whish
would stars make when they saw falling people.
What does
a butterfly feel when he is in love?
Who
invented milking cows and what did he think when he
started doing it ?
What do
sheep count when they want to sleep ?
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